The Four Parenting Styles
Find out which one you should adopt in today’s times.
Since none of us come with users manuals
and children are no exception, rather they are more amneable, parents often
struggle to determine how to raise mentally strong, well-rounded and successful
kids. Some parents are strict, while others are lenient. Some are watchful,
while others are distant. – NO “CHILD”
COMES WITH A VIRUS, IT’S THE ADULTS THAT WE INFUSE THEM WITH OUR SELF
PROCLAIMED IDEAS.
Has this thought ″What type of parent do I want to be ?” has ever crossed your
mind, than this article is for you where I have highlighted which kind you
could adopt or even do permutations and combinations. Please take time out to
do a self introspection using the below idea’s.
The 4 styles/types of parenting.
The four main parenting styles —
permissive, authoritative, neglectful and authoritarian — used in child
psychology today are based on the work of Dr. Diana Baumrind, a developmental
psychologist, and Stanford researchers Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin.
Each one has different effects on children’s behaviour and can be identified by certain characteristics, as well as degrees of responsiveness (the extent to which parents are warm and sensitive to their children’s needs) and demanding (the extent of control parents put on their children in an attempt to influence their behaviour).
1. The Permissive Parent (Not So Good, Not So Bad)
Common traits: Highly responsive,
low demanding, communicate openly and usually let their kids decide for
themselves, rather than giving them direction. They lack to set rules and
discipline.
Rules and expectations are either
not set or rarely enforced. Typically go through great lengths to keep their
kids happy, sometime at their own expense. Permissive parents are more likely
to take on a friendship role, rather than a parenting role, with their kids.
They prefer to avoid conflict and will often permit to their children’s pleas
at the first sign of distress. These parents mostly allow their kids to do what
they want and offer limited guidance or direction. Kids who have Permissive
parents often tend to be less aware of their limits of acceptable behaviour,
they are also seen to be very impulsive, cannot handle stress and often display
aggression.
2. The Authoritative Parent (The Highly Effective Parents)
Common traits: Highly responsive,
high demanding, Set clear rules and expectations for their kids while
practicing flexibility and understanding. Communicate frequently, they listen
to and take into consideration their children’s thoughts, feelings and opinions.
Allow natural consequences to occur (e.g., kid fails quiz when they didn’t
study), but use those opportunities to help their kids reflect and learn. Never
impose their self proclaimed ideas on the kids, rather make them aware about
the situations and allow the kid to be more responsive towards it.
Authoritative parents are nurturing, supportive and often in tune with their children’s needs. Their bonding with their kids is very high. They are very vigilant and guide their children through open and honest discussions to teach values and reasoning. Kids who have authoritative parents tend to be self-disciplined and can think for themselves and others too.
3. The Neglectful Parent (The Most Dangerous one’s)
Common traits: Low responsive,
low demanding (Infact quite careless). Let their kids mostly fend for
themselves, perhaps because they are indifferent to their needs or are
uninvolved/overwhelmed with other things, they offer little or no nurturing,
guidance and/or attention. Often struggle with their own self-esteem issues and
have a hard time forming close relationships and bonding.
The Neglectful parents are sometimes
referred to as uninvolved parenting, this style is exemplified by an overall
sense of indifference. Neglectful parents have limited engagement with their
children and rarely implement rules. They can also be seen as cold and uncaring
— but not always intentionally, as they are often struggling with their own life
issues. Kids who have neglectful parent often become very careless, often speak
lies and sometime display criminal tendencies.
4. The Authoritarian Parent (Highly Enforcing Parents, Like to impose
their self proclaimed idea’s)
Common traits: High demanding,
low responsive. Enforce strict rules with little consideration of their kid’s
feelings or social-emotional and behavioural needs. Often say “because I said
so” when their kid questions the reasons behind a rule or consequence. Communication
is mostly one-way — from parent to child
This rigid parenting style uses
stern discipline, often justified as “tough love.” In attempt to be in full
control, authoritarian parents often talk to their children without wanting
input or feedback. Kids with Authoritarian parents often as very negative in
their talks and behaviour (pessimist), have a very low self esteem and always
live in “FEAR FOR FAILURE”, they are highly dependent on their parents for
everything.
What is the best parenting style for you?
Research suggests that
authoritative parents are more likely to raise independent, self-reliant and
socially competent kids.
While children of authoritarian
parents are not immune and have seen with mental health issues, relationship difficulties,
substance abuse, poor self-regulation or low self-esteem, these traits are more
commonly seen in children of parents who strictly employ authoritarian,
permissive or uninvolved parenting styles.
Of course, when it comes to parenting,
there is no “one size fits all.” You don’t need to subscribe to just one type,
as there may be times when you have to use a varied parenting approach
depending on the situation — but in moderation.
The most successful parents know
when to change their style, depending on the situation. An authoritative
parent, for example, may want to become more permissive when a child is ill, by
continuing to provide warmth and letting go of some control (e.g. “Sure, you
can have some ice cream for lunch and dinner.”).
And a permissive parent may be more strict if a child’s safety is at stake, like when crossing a busy street (e.g. “You’re going to hold my hand whether you like it or not.”). Ofcourse that is needed, but can be done in a little nicer way, rather than being very harsh.
At the end of the day, use your
best judgement and remember that the parenting style that works best for your
family at that time is the one you should use.
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