When you are GUILTY, What can you do ?

 GUILT

Guilt is a deadly stress emotion, we feel when we let ourselves or others down by failing to meet a particular commitment. It can also be defined as a personal perception that you have not lived up to your Values. Guilt again can be of two kinds “HEALTHY GUILT” or “UNHEALTHY GUILT”

“HEALTHY GUILT” it is proportionate or rational, it’s a negative feeling, where you are aware about your behaviour that you did something wrong and are willing to correct it. In simple language if I was to put than a “MISTAKE DONE BUT UNKNOWINGLY” which you are willing to correct it.

For E.g. You said something very harsh to a friend or a family member, and later you realised it and went and apologised to correct the mistake.

 “UNHEALTHY GUILT” it is exactly the opposite, its disproportionate, irrational and displaced. These are events which take place where you have no control over the situation. Here you are not consciously aware so you cannot be blamed, but you feel guilty later.

For E.g. If you are working for an organization where you got promoted and your dear friend had to loose the job. Despite you feel very happy for your own success, but on the other hand you feel sad about your friend loosing the job. Here you have not done anything wrong, but you still feel for the person who lost the job.

When a person is GUILTY he or she is constantly

1)      Worrying about he has upset someone.

2)      Feeling Guilty for things you dint even actually do.

3)      Sometime just mind keeps bothering you with Negative thoughts.

4)      They always use these common terms “COULD HAVE” or “SHOULD HAVE” in their sentences.

5)      A small thing that goes wrong turn into an intense “SELF CRITICISM” (You find yourself as a reason of suffer caused to others)

6)      Constantly BLAMING others for the situation you are in (This is also known as DEFENCE MECHANISM against GUILT)

7)      SELF BLAMING all the time for what you have done wrong, but even who you are.

8)      People with GUILTY conscious mind tend to have PARALYSIS of ANALYSIS. They keep analysing if they could have done things better (TRY TO BE PERFECTIONIST)

 

So what are the common Traits of GUILTY Conscious people.

1)      They Suffer OCD (OBSSESIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER)

2)      They are always Anxious (ANXIETY DISORDER)

3)      They always SELF HARM

4)      They suffer from SLEEP DISORDERS

5)      They have PROBLEMATIC RELATIONS and FEAR INTIMACY

6)      They tend to have a very TROUBLED CHILDHOOD

7)      They also have a MANIPULATIVE Behaviour

Guilt does not come alone it join hand with a feeling of SHAME, an emotion which rules our life than.

The Question here is “IS YOUR GUILT REALLY A BIG DEAL” ?

Answer : IT’S A FLAT NO, YOU CAN EASILY DEAL WITH IT. HERE’s HOW.

 

How to Deal with Guilt, Below are the Few Ways.

APOLOGIZE AND ACKNOWLEDGE

Saying sorry is the most easiest (but very difficult to accept) way to make the other person feel that you have realized your mistake. Never justify your actions or blame others, even if they were involved. Acknowledge the anger, frustration and pain that has done the damage.

The other person may not easily or immediately accept your apology, however taking full responsibility of your actions and acknowledging them is the first thing you must do Taking the issued out in open can help you a lot to do the necessary rectification. Initially you may find it difficult, but once does its quite simple to resolve it.

You know when you acknowledge and apologize for your wrong actions, it solves the problem faster than you assume and at the same time you don’t form one more layer of Guilt or Shame in your mind.

TAKE THE RIGHT ACTIONS

Take actions which are meaningful towards the person you have done the damage, don’t just do for the sake of doing it.

When you take the authority towards your wrong actions, it make the other person feel that you are genuinely willing to change the situation, don’t delay in taking this step or else you will pile up more Guilt in your mind and that will cause you more anxiety.

E.g. Say for instance you were working on a project and due to any unforeseen reason you went off the hook for a while and that made your colleague do the extra work for you, and the things dint turn out to be the way they needed to be, tell your manager that you are to be blamed. Then get the things done in the right way, this way you will clear the baggage and also you won’t hurt yourself and other person.

Everything starts with you Ends with you – YOUR BEHAVIOUR

BEHAVIOUR is the key to any ACTIONS that you take. When you have an habit of constantly speaking something intensive, may be that is one of the actions which makes you feel Guilty.

When you learn to address your problematic behaviour you show signs of improvement. This also shows that you are willing to take the initiative to change your behaviour, it could be anything like delegating work, team management, dealing with your bad habits (E.g. PROCRASTINATION, SMOKING, DRINKING etc). This way you will give a chance to yourself to improve. 

You cant take the jump 100 meters at once, but when you learn to take baby steps towards making positive changes in your life your interactions with others will drastically improve. Keep a constant check on your actions and prevent yourself from taking the wrong steps, sometimes you may find it difficult to understand what is right what is wrong, take help or may be go through some training programs. There is no such thing that you cannot change your behaviour, behaviour comes from a BELIEF systems and BELIEF’s can be changed or new ones can be developed.

LET IT GO – MOVE ON

Now that you have learnt to make the necessary changes to your Behaviour, why not let the GUILT go, holding it for no reason again will be a STRESS booster for you. Put it all behind you and direct yourself towards more productive stuff, more productive activities. Practicing MINDFULNESS this is a best tool which can be useful in accepting your feelings which will help you begin the process of SELF FORGIVENESS.

Humans are the only creatures on the planet that have a very big privilege “CHOICE”, all the other animals do only these four things Eat, Sleep, Produce and Die, as they are completely nature bound. Even Humans are nature bound, but they got this privilege of designing their life the way they want it. You always have the “CHOICE” to move on in life, learn to manage your emotions (You can also do some EMOTIONAL MASTERY PROGRAMS)

Jatin Asher         
NLP Life Coach 
Brainography Expert Consultant               
Kids Specialist Life Coach             
Tel : +91-9833156365 / 8355881872          
Email : jatinash@gmail.com